Last night's episode of Married At First Sight was 'Yes Week' for the couples and what an episode it was! The Experts assigned one member of each couple to be in control. This means choosing everything from what to do, to what to wear and eat! The infamous virgin, Matt, had some questions for his partner and they didn't take long to slip from trivial to scandalous... Here is a recap from Rock Star Mums Drink Champagne.
The Trash Train has left Jerry Springer at the C-Bomb station and is cruising on the perineum highway that is Married At First Sight Australia
It’s ‘Living Together/YES Week’ and (for the first time) everyone is living in the same building to make swapping your wife/husband easier. #whatarethekeysinthebowlfor #makestheswappingeasier
Yes Week is when one half of the couple gets to be boss for the entire week. #soundsmoreexcitingthanitis #slappersunite
LOUIS VUITTON SUPREME IVAN’S SISTER CYRELL AND NON-EJACULATING NIC
They move in together and after complaining about the lack of affection from Cyrell, Nic decides he doesn’t like PDA’s:
Nick: if ya wanna f**k off then f**k off
Cyrell: OMG, I’m gonna f**k off like I’ve never f***ed off before.
😂😂They make up and as a part of Yes Week, Nic made Cyrell shave his chest and wax his non-performing testicles and hairy butt. I think Nic hasn’t quite grasped the concept of control for Yes Week. #yousecanallfarkoff
MANIC MEL & MAHATMA DINO – Dino’s in charge
Mahatma Dino proved to Manic Mel that he walks to a different beat and literally showed her his drums #yawn
CARING CAM & BIRKENSTOCK JULES – Cam in charge
They’re compatible, cute and genuinely happy together. Yes Week for them included playing indoor cricket together #bowledover #marriedaf#zumbamovesarekiller
MEANIE NING & TOLERANT MARK - Mark’s in charge
Meanie Ning regrets being mean to Tolerant Mark. Nek minute, she tells him “I’ll take whatever side of the bed I want” aaaaand, there she is!
HAIRY HEADED HEIDI & UP HIMSELF MIKE - Heidi in charge
UH Mike again tells us all that “he’s sleeping like a baby” WINK FREAKING WINK…WE KNOW DUDE, STOP BEING A DOUCHE! HHH tries to talk and UHM shuts her up with a pash #stoptalkingtomeffs
KIMMY K MARTHA & MANBUN MICHAEL– Michael will never be in charge
KKM has learned that ‘veganism’ is trendy on Instagram this week so that should be riveting TV. 🙄KKM also chooses the side of the bed she can see herself in the mirror on #whenithinkaboutmeitouchmyself
MICK DUNDEE AND INSTA LIPS JESS
Can’t really tell you anything except Mick said “bloody galah” five times and Insta Jess had her lips with her. #lipshavetheirownpostcode
ANUS INES AND BACKSTREET BRONSON – nobody in charge
Anus is humiliated and assures us that it’s all because Backstreet brings out ‘the worst in me” #ohanusyoudothatallbyyourself
Of course we get a recap of the C (BEEP) T incident while Anus picks up the wedding photo, tears it in half and comments about how nice she looks. #thischickisjustkillingme
Bronson arrives and is chuffed he has a bed and no big vagina to have to share it with #thankgodforsmallmercieshesaid
EXCERPT OF THEIR ‘THERAPY’ WITH JOHN THE EXPERT
Expert John: What triggered the C-BOMB last night Bronson?
Backstreet: Ahhhhh...Anus. Like, look at her, she’s right there. She’s a c(beep)t
Anus: It was horrid that Backstreet exposed me like that before I did it completely by myself.
Backstreet: I regret the C-Bomb...I should have just called her a ‘moot’ and for that I’m sorry
Expert John: Could you have done anything different do you think Anus? Are you responsible for anything?
Anus: well, I wasn’t conscious due to my Xanax so I’m not really sure what you mean. And, ummm responsible? Me? Ummmmm, no and I don’t regret anything. You see, I have no empathy as my condition doesn’t allow me to.
Expert John: ok, so I’m going to try and humanize you a bit here. You’re troubled as you were a refugee and stuff…I understand. Now, tell Backstreet what you need.
Anus: Ummmm, I’m a fun person. I need fun and laughter. I’m fully committed, or at least I feel like I should be.... Oh yeah, I was thinking that Sam’s pee pee in my wee wee would make me happy too.
Backstreet: Yeah. Ummmm. I’ll just go with I wanna stay married
Back at her apartment, Anus gives the relationship with Backstreet a good 12 second thought, before fully committing herself to resembling Backstreet’s observation.
Anus then trolls for d**k picks before finding Sam’s poking out of his Insta account. “oooooh, I might just ask him to go to the sauna as he’s with that Joker crossed with Big Bird chick and I’m so much better Bubba”
Meanwhile, Backstreet has a shower and only puts deodorant under one arm and that bothered the s**t out of me. Come on Backstreet, don’t do things halfarsed, commit yo’self.
LUSTY LIZZIE OF THE HAIR EXTENSIONS AND SAM THE ICK – Lizzie in charge
OMFG, Lizzie STOP F***ING APOLOGISING! Sam was at a fake funeral and ditched you so you’d succumb to pizza and chocolate sadness cravings!
Sam was considerate enough to accept her constant apologies because ummm...that’s what hot people do. #sohotrightnow
Lizzie’s long and slow revenge plan Stage 1: Lizzie decides to punish Sam by making him stay in the apartment without her. Sam kept a straight face and pretended to be sad about getting his one true wish for the day – alone time without the hugger.
Lizzie meets up with Cyrell who tells her “Sam did a dog act but he’s not a dog” #mehhhh #samthedog so Lizzie decides to rush home... but not before contemplating life - giving Sam ample time to respond to Anus’s message about his d**k pick #hohumbubba #d**kpicksforeveryone
Lizzie also apologises to Anus who rolls her eyes in distaste, as Anus is not into female empowerment - Anus is only into Anus empowerment. Lizzie and her hair extensions then apologise to Sam. The whole thing was just awkward hugging and apologising and then hugging again #creepyaf#stopitlizzie #havesomeconfidencechicka#lullingthemintoafalsesenseofsecurityforalongandslowrevengeplan
MATT THE MAN AND LAUREN THE VIRGIN BUSTER – Matt’s in charge
OK, so let’s play a drinking game: every time the word ‘VIRGIN’ is said, let’s all have a tequila shot. #blindbythefirstadbreak
Anywho, Matt made a bed for the first time without his mum, so that was cool TV🙄. As Matt was in charge, he decided to ask tough questions of Loz ( he’d seen 60 Minutes when his mum let him stay up once so he knows the how to interview) #bringbackjanawendt Loz is nervous and shivers with anticipation on what MTM could possibly ask…and he asked about favourite colour and food #ffs Loz was like “right, this is s**t, let’s get this show on the road” and proceeded to tell Matt that she used to be a lesbian.
Matt swallowed hard and said “but I wanted to be the only one in this relationship that’s been inside a vagina. This isn’t fair and now I’m anxious again...not to mention my Mum won’t be happy about this”
Loz the Former Lesbian (I had to, it’s just a great name) just rolled her eyes and hoped like hell Matt the Man manned up.
Until tomorrow night
For more from Rock Star Mums Drink Champagne click here.
Image supplied by Nine